73 years later, black oil 'tears' still leak from the USS Arizona

Growth, Healing

Grief is about remembering

‘Grief more than Death, renders us silent’. Anna Quindlen

As I enter the holiday season I give pause to reflect upon the lived experience of grief. How many of us including you know someone who has suffered through the loss of a loved one? I can’t think of a single person in my life that hasn’t dealt with a loss of some kind. Some losses are more profound and heartbreaking than others. The grieving process is still the same, whether it is the loss of a home, a marriage, a friendship, a job, a friend, a parent, a pet, an adult child, an infant, or a miscarriage. I’m sure this list is not exhaustive. Part of our human journey is to experience loss, hold it in our hearts and then choose how to continue living. It is a universal condition.

Grief is a process filled with meaning because it is all about remembrance. It is never about forgetting. It’s about remembering our losses and our loved ones through memories we painfully and joyfully bring into existence. We live with our memories, clarifying what is important to us and what is not, what endures, and what naturally fades away.

Family Addictions

Dear Sister,

Today I received another text from your husband. This time some joggers found you passed out in a wet ditch, not far from the liquor store. They called the police who returned you to your home. Your husband said that you walked two miles to buy some beer … a trip you have journeyed before. Your daughter changed you into some clean, dry clothes and put you to bed to sleep it off. You escaped one prison of loving fear and concern, only to seek out another prison of darkness and oblivion.

You are truly one immortal alcoholic. How many times must this happen as you slowly commit suicide?

Autumn in the Wine Country

I have so many reasons to be grateful … and it isn’t just the wine talking.

My daughter treated me to an early birthday present by giving me two days in the wine country with her. It’s become our signature get-away place where I get to be the perfect me.

My Birthday Angel

My daughter’s birthday

It is my daughter’s birthday today. She is 27 years old. She may think it’s her day of celebration. However, I see it as my day to cherish her birth.

Mothers and Daughters

One of my readers asked me to speak about issues that ‘test’ the mother-daughter relationship, such as divorce and single motherhood. I can only speak from my own ‘expert’ experience and will share my reflections, knowing that every woman’s experience is different. I want to start by saying that I believe the relationship between a mother and daughter is complex, more so than any other relationship. Victoria Secunda says it well when she states:

Friendship in Fiji

All good friends should spend some time together in Fiji. Why? Because this island’s greatest gift is that of friendship. We are on Beqa Island where there are no phones, no television, and due to a recent tropical storm, no internet. There is no town, no shops. Our resort is the only commercial property on the island. We eat all our meals together in a large room without walls called a bure. Our only form of entertainment is talking and spending time together.

Living life with joyful effort

Hello from Figi! I am on a remote island at a diving resort called beqa lagoon resort. We are with wonderful friends enjoying the figian lifestyle. On our first night here a severe tropical storm wiped out all internet service. Today is my first opportunity to share my life philosophy with you. I hope you enjoy it.

My philosophy of life is simple. Very simple. That being said, it took me ‘my life time’ (and many years of valuable therapy) to get to this peaceful and actualized place of simply being. And here it is:

Guidelines for Parenting through Divorce

My pregnancy was a blissful time. It was our oasis in the growing desert of our marriage. Our focus became our baby and we were both grateful for this time of refuge. We thought about our future as parents and communicated happily about our dreams for our child. I was hopeful that this baby would dispel my despondency towards my marriage and that we would be able to create a family that was deeply bonded in love and joy. I knew beyond a doubt that Doug was going to be an amazing father and bestow gifts of love, tenderness and grace upon our newborn child with much more natural ease than myself. Given my lack of self love, there were times when I felt I had to struggle to conjure up the compassion and empathy that came forth so easily from Doug’s spirit.

My brokenness – Part Two

The lifeline of our marriage was probably typical of most couples, a blending of joys and sorrows. We married. I went back to college to become a nurse. Doug worked as a CPA for a well-known firm. We were happy doing all the things young married couples do – working hard in our new careers, learning the nuances of married life, and playing with our newly married friends. After a few years we started trying for babies and came to realize that I had an infertility issue. I remember the anguish I felt at not being able to conceive. As a woman I felt inadequate and questioned my worthiness of motherhood. Our life began to revolve around this desperation of need and want and failure that defined every single month for years. These feelings were pervasive as my emotions raged from all the hormonal treatments.

My brokenness – Part One

This being my first blog about my journey of divorce and creating a new sense of family, I feel my ‘starting point’ is somewhat blurred. Why? Because I want to share my current and powerful message of an extremely joyful life, where my family is healthy, vibrant and thriving. However, in order to let you know how we got to ‘here’, I feel I need to be transparent and share the painful and difficult start of this journey that over time gifted us with transformation and transcendence. So, I start with my brokenness of youth because this is the foundation from which we all start. If this part of my story grabs you in any way … hold on and read on … I promise you that there is hope, redemption and a new sense of love to live in what is my and possibly your endless story.