Reflection on Forgiveness

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

                                                                                                                           … Martin L. King

Forgiveness reflection

When I was younger I sucked at forgiveness. I didn’t understand how powerful the act of forgiving was and how it was intricately related to my chronic victimhood mentality. Victimhood is such a sad and useless state of being. Blaming others, myself, and my God kept me stuck in a state of inertia, unable to make any positive changes because I kept giving my power away.

‘If only that other person would change, my life would be so much better.’ ‘If only I could change, my life would be so much better.’ ‘If only God would change this situation, my life would be so much better.’ I spent my teens and twenties in a cess pool of blame, and praying for change. But that didn’t do any good because I was praying for the wrong thing.

I have learned that change is not the same thing as forgiveness. Forgiveness is the act and change is the outcome. There can be no lasting positive change without the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the compassionate and intentional act of letting go of past wounds and the desire to harm others or yourself.

The most significant things that we need to forgive don’t come easily. Forgiveness requires that you first acknowledge that you need to forgive. Then you must reflect upon unpleasant emotions such as anger, rage, guilt or shame. And then you have to forgive and release these emotions before true personal healing, acceptance of a situation, or reconciliation with another can occur.

Some abuses seem unforgiveable, such as sexual or physical abuse. I think that one doesn’t have to forgive the ‘actions’ of another, but maybe try to find the compassion to forgive the ‘need’ of that person to do what they did. Or forgive a situation in which there was nobody there to protect you. Or acknowledge that terrible things happen in this world, but commit yourself to making a difference. That is the holiest of acts.

Some people believe that there are only two emotions … love and fear. All other emotions are variations of these. I suspect that might be true … because I believe that people desire only one thing in this life … to love and be loved by others. When we are harmed, we perceive that we are not loved, and that causes us to fear that we are not loveable, not safe, not worthy, not valuable … all the ‘nots’ that twist our sense of self into something dark, impenetrable, and broken.

My intent is to heal myself with and through forgiveness of all that no longer serves me. To safely feel that which I must in order to release it. And let the promise of a new energy surround and engulf my being ~ so that my heart lives from a source of love ~ for all that is and always will be within me.

For me, that means to stay in surrender and be patient. There is much that continues to be released… years of shadows and walls that originally existed to keep me ‘safe’. I transcend them now. I think I will forever be forgiving myself. I feel my heart … and return to joy in a conscious way. When forgiveness is needed – I cry the tears and know their source. I am then released. Forgiveness is a gift of love that I give myself … it allows me the freedom to feel loved and lovable. There is such beauty in all that feels good. I highly recommend that you try it…